Varmints (Can't Be Restricted to One Universe)
by Kalcifier
Summary: Written for the 2015 ATSecretSanta: My person for the secret Santa requested Gumball and Marshall Lee, so naturally I panicked and rewrote an episode from the show.
1. Prologue

Making the Candy People had seemed like such a good idea at the time. He could combine his love of baking with his interest in science, and at the end he'd have people to interact with! (People other than Nelly, even. He loved Nelly dearly, but it would be nice to have a full conversation without any screaming.)

Since then, he'd had moments of regret. As much as he loved his subjects, taking care of a kingdom of children could be tiring. Sometimes he wished he'd at least waited until he knew more science, if only so they'd stop exploding.

All of these moments paled in comparison to his feelings when he was replaced.

He tried to distract himself as he trudged up the hill to his Aunt Bubblegen's house. Sure, he might not have a kingdom anymore, but he'd finally have the time to perfect his banana cream pie.

It actually almost worked, to the point where his first reaction to the house's dramatic collapse was to comfort his people. Peppermint Maid was kind enough to change the subject after pointing it out (and what would he do without Peppermint Maid), but it was a stark reminder that he'd lost the thing had been his purpose for centuries.

Feeling sorry for himself wasn't going to accomplish anything, though. He gritted his teeth and stepped inside the cabin.

It wasn't so bad, he told himself as he looked around. Peppermint Maid was right that it wasn't fancy, and the kitchen was too small to be ideal, but they had time.

... Their first priority should probably be the roof.


	2. Adventure!

Eventually Gumball managed to settle into a routine. It actually wasn't as hard as he feared; the renovations took most of his time, and he'd started to learn the art of not thinking. It had gone against his every instinct, but the time passed much more quickly when he could bury himself in the work.

And so time passed, until he was almost able to forget that it had been two months, six days, four hours and thirty seven minutes since he was voted out of the kingdom he'd created.

He had more important things to do than count time. For instance, his baking. He was experimenting with growing his own ingredients, though of course it would still be months before he had anything to work with.

And if things continued like this, it would never happen. He just wanted to grow enough rhubarb for a pie, but thanks to some sort of varmint, he'd be lucky to have a single stalk.

Frankly, he'd had enough. Which was why he and Peppermint Maid were sitting outside at eleven at night, guns in hand. (He wasn't going to waste any of his good weapons on these creatures. These guns only had four specialized settings, which made them downright primitive.)

With nothing else to focus on, Gumball ran calculations in his head. He figured they'd be easy to snap out of, and someday he might need to know the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow.

Sadly, that would remain a riddle for the ages, as his thoughts were interrupted by the sudden appearance of Marshall Lee. He seemed annoyed, to put it mildly. Then again, that was true a lot of the time, at least when Gumball was around.

"Marshall Lee," he said neutrally. This would be much easier if he could defuse the situation immediately. Not that it ever worked, but at least he'd tried.

"Dude, what the heck?" Marshall asked. Gumball sighed mentally. "You managed to get your kingdom stolen out from under you? Why did I have to hear about this from some wax wad?"

Trust Marshall Lee to go straight to the heart of things Gumball would rather leave alone. He was spared having to respond immediately by Peppermint Maid. "Let's all just take it easy," she said, stroking her gun menacingly. "Take it easy..."

"He's fine, Peppermint Maid. Could you just give us a minute?" Gumball asked. She ran off obediently. Gumball turned back to his uninvited guest. "First of all, it wasn't stolen. I gave it up willingly." He slumped in his chair. "Mostly. Look, I was just... embarrassed, and I didn't want to talk about it. It's easier to pretend this was my choice, just a break from the kingdom."

Marshall scuffed the ground with his foot. "You know, if you wanted to stop pretending, you could talk to me."

Gumball snorted. "Are you ever not pretending?" He paused and reviewed his words. "I'm sorry, that sounded a lot less harsh in my head. I'm not used to being so alone. Out here it's just me, PepMaid, the stars..." He looked at his garden. "And the varmints."

Marshall looked at him oddly. "Varmints?"

Gumball seized on this new, safer subject. "Varmints! I've been trying to grow some rhubarb for a new pie I'd like to try. But every night, the stalks are destroyed by these horrible pests!

"Well, no longer. This ends tonight."

"So you're just going to sit out here all night," Marshall said skeptically.

"If necessary, yes."

Marshall shrugged. "Cool. Those varmints will never see us coming."

Gumball smiled. "Indeed," he said.

According the the rules of drama, their agreement should have been immediately followed by the varmints' appearance. It wasn't.

Marshall was as good as his word. He was obviously getting bored, but he stayed on the porch next to Gumball. After a while, he started fidgeting. Finally, he spoke. "So... Rhubarb, huh? he said.

"It's an interesting challenge," Gumball said. "The rhubarb itself is actually very tart, so you need to include a lot of sugar, but not enough to overwhelm the rhubarb. Once you get it, though, it's delicious. There aren't any unexpected surprises, and it won't betray you..." Gumball cut himself off before he drove Marshall away. It was one thing to watch a garden with him, and another to listen to him complain about self-inflicted problems.

Marshall seemed content to let it go. "That reminds me," he said. "So I was visiting Fionna the other day, when out of nowhere BMO jumps down at me! And I'm like, 'What the frack?' and BMO just looks at me and goes 'If this was a real attack, you'd be dead.

"There were about fifteen different things wrong with that, but I didn't have time to list them all. I just told BMO 'Nothing you can do to me would count as a real attack.'"

Gumball snickered. BMO certainly was something. "Hey, remember that one time -" he started. He stopped when he heard a rustling in the garden. Finally, the varmints were making an appearance.

Gumball waited until they were all in sight, then fired his gun at them. As he'd expected, they scattered, leaving his rhubarb alone for once.

"After them!" he yelled. He was already chasing them, so it was probably unnecessary, but old habits die hard.

As he ran, Gumball switched his gun to Battery mode. He let the creatures lead him to their lair, then shot the one at the back. "A flipping varmint hole," he muttered to himself. "How did I miss this?"

Marshall bent down and picked up the former varmint. "It's just a hole in the ground. There have to be a ton around this dump. Anyway, what next, boss?" he asked, handing Gumball the battery.

Gumball loaded it into his flashlight before switching the gun into Tunnel mode. "Stand back," he said, and fired at the ground.

Moments later, the hole opened into a tunnel. Gumball looked around. He felt like he recognized the crystals... "Oh! These are the delivery tunnels from the old rock candy mines."

Marshall chuckled. "Man, I haven't been down here in forever. Remember those lame Stinky Cheese Kingdom meetings? There was nothing you could have gotten out of those that would have been worth it. You didn't miss anything sneaking down here."

Gumball gave a mock frown. "Sneaking? As I recall, you kidnapped me and made me watch you vandalize my property!"

Marshall shrugged. "Maybe. You weren't complaining when I got you to tag something." Gumball blushed, though thankfully Marshall had already turned around. "Where was that again? I bet it's along these tracks."

He floated off in that direction. Gumball hurried after him. "Those were the days," Marshall said. "Telling jokes, swapping stories..."

He trailed off as they came to a new part of the tunnel. The walls fell away to reveal a ravine studded with crystals. The path they'd been following broke off abruptly. Marshall beamed. "Check it out, the broken bridge! Remember that time you jumped it? You practically fainted."

Gumball frowned. He remembered that, being so desperate to impress people. Marshall had seemed so cool, then, so far beyond him. "I think I was trying to prove something," he said.

He activated his boots and hovered across the chasm. Looking back, Marshall hadn't really changed. He was as cool as ever, at least on the surface. Gumball had been the one who'd changed, become more confident and less open.

He caught himself watching for Marshall's reaction. There was one thing that had stayed constant: his desire to impress Marshall Lee. Part of him was disgusted by himself, but he shoved it aside. He was starting over. Maybe this time he and Marshall could stay close.

"Well done, your majesty," Marshall said, snapping Gumball back to reality. "Always gotta be one step ahead."

Well, it had been a nice fantasy, Gumball thought. "Of course I do. My kingdom would fall apart otherwise. We can't all float around with meaningless titles."

There was an awkward silence. Gumball rushed to apologize. "There's just so much stuff now. The kingdom just kept getting bigger, and everything needed attention. There was a new disaster waiting every time I turned around, so I just... stopped turning my back on it."

Marshall rubbed at his neck. "Is that why you stopped talking to me?" he asked, refusing to meet Gumball's eyes.

"Of course not!" Gumball said hastily. He wasn't sure what he would have said next, but it didn't matter. A growl from behind them shut both of them up. Marshall made a face, and Gumball pulled his gun back out, switching it to 2-Gun mode and producing another gun.

He knelt at the edge of the bridge, Marshall behind him in a monstrous form. "Bring it, you rhubarb-munching fiends!" he yelled.

What rose from the pit was much larger than Gumball expected. Unlike the others, it was practically a ball of arms. It had retained the enormous mouth of its smaller brethren, but its tail was fully realized. "It's a frigging Mother Varmint!" Marshall said.

To Gumball's horror, the thing pointed its tail at them, launching some sort of projectiles. They turned out to be eggs, which promptly hatched and began attacking. "Eugh," Gumball said. Then he regained his focus. "Marshall, cover me!"  
Marshall did so with relish, crushing one of the babies with his bare hands. (Or were they bear hands? Right, he needed to concentrate.)

Gumball unloaded both guns on the mother, firing until they began to click. The mother seemed unfazed, which meant it was time for Plan B. Gumball wasn't going to enjoy this.

He drew a laser and a knife from his bag and dove straight into the monster's mouth. Dodging both sets of teeth, he ran into its stomach, then turned his laser on the thing's stomach. In no time, he had blasted his way back out.

He gave himself a moment to recover before turning around to assess the damage. One of the smaller varmints was attacking Marshall, so he skewered it.

Marshall squashed the next two with no problem, so Gumball turned his attention back to the mother. This meant that he got a front-row seat to the creature regrowing its missing limbs from a layer of slime.

"Eugh," he said again, on the off chance the creature had missed his distaste. Then he noticed that it was paying attention to Marshall instead. "Marshall Lee! Look out!" he yelled.

The mother launched itself at the vampire. Gumball's warning barely got his attention in time, but he managed to slam the mother into the ceiling of the cavern, shattering its teeth. The creature came crashing down, managing to land on top of Marshall and pin him to the ground.

Gumball rushed to his side. "Marshall," he whispered. He pulled Marshall's limp body out from under the mother. At least he was just unconscious. Vampires turned to dust when they died... Gumball thought, anyway. No, Marshall was definitely as alive as usual. He had to be.

Gumball dragged Marshall away down the tunnel as quickly as he could. The mother varmint got up a moment later and regrew its teeth. Seeing its prey escaping, it began slamming the tunnel ceiling and floor to cause a cave-in.

Thankfully, the noise brought Marshall back to consciousness. He groaned. "She's going to bring the whole tunnel down!" Gumball said to bring him up to speed.

Marshall looked like he could stand, so Gumball put him down. The mother varmint chose that moment to switch tactics, surrounding the two with eggs. The eggs hatched almost immediately, forcing Gumball and Marshall to start running.

Gumball pulled his laser again, shooting two of the nearest varmints. They fell back, but the horde was still gaining. "Really?" Gumball asked the universe. The varmints seemed unimpressed by his annoyance.

One launched itself at him. He ducked, but the creature still managed to snag his hat. "My snapback!" he yelled. That was the last straw. He was going to have to pull out the big guns.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small metal object he'd been tinkering with.

He threw it on the ground in front of the tide of varmints, where it expanded into a full-fledged forcefield. A few varmints made had made it past, and he lasered one with no problem. But because it was that kind of day, he ran out charge just as he tried to shoot the other.

Marshall leaned in casually and crushed it with a monstrous arm. "Not bad. Got anything else up your sleeve?"

Gumball rummaged in his pocket. "Some bandages, a pen, unpaid internet bill, and... strawberry lip balm."

He looked at Marshall, daring him to say something. Marshall shrugged, then took the lip balm and drained its red. "It'll do," he said.

Gumball sighed. "Maybe we can find something actually useful around-" he broke off suddenly.

Marshall followed his gaze. "Your tag!" he said. Sure enough, the wall on the far side of the makeshift room had a message spray painted onto it. "Marshall Lee made me write this. -Bubba Gumball"

"Wow, we actually found it," Marshall floated closer, tracing the letters with a finger. "This is definitely your handwriting; I can tell. It's as stuck-up and prissy as ever."

He turned around to make a comment about how it matched Gumball's personality, but that died in his throat as he took in Gumball's expression. "Wait, you're actually crying? No, it's not like that, it's just... Look, your handwriting's actually kinda pretty, alright?"

Gumball shook his head. "No, it's not that. I lost my hat."

Marshall smirked, relieved. "Dude, you can get another hat."

"I lost my hat," Gumball said again. "I lost my home, lost my people. I can't even grow plants without losing to these freaking varmints!"

Marshall looked lost. "Gumball," he started.

Gumball didn't even look up. "I tried, that's the worst part. I thought that if I just buried myself in my work I could please everyone. Instead I pushed everyone away." He turned to Marshall and took a deep breath. "I pushed you away. I'm sorry, Marshall Lee. I've been a real dinger to you."

Marshall smiled, and it almost didn't look like a smirk. "Come on. What are you even apologizing for?"

He probably would have continued, but they were forced to separate when a chunk of rock nearly crushed them both. As always, the mother varmint's timing was superb. "Let's go, your highness. We can have then conversation when we're not about to be buried alive."

Gumball turned to check on the forcefield. It had held up pretty well, but as he watched the generator was destroyed by a falling rock. "Okay, this is fine. I can use something in here... Would a rock candy cannon work? Maybe if I..."

As he spoke, Marshall drifted closer and closer to him, finally resting a hand on Gumball's shoulder. "Relax, dude. I can be a step ahead too." He punctuated his statement by punting a varmint which had launched itself at them.

"These things are nasty, but they seem to have digging down. I can probably copy them and tunnel us out through the wall. It'd mean destroying your tag, though. I was looking forward to proving that you aren't always so perfect, but..."

Gumball smiled. "This is hundreds of years old anyway, so if that's your best proof, I'm not convinced. Destroying it is probably for the best anyway." He put on his best cliche-movie-voiceover voice. "Tear it down!"

Marshall needed no further encouragement to destroy things. He shapeshifted one of his hands into an enormous varmint and used it to begin tunneling. "Dig dig dig dig dig," he muttered to himself.

Now that they had a plan, Gumball was starting to feel better about the whole mess. He didn't have nearly as much guilt or doubt clouding his mind. All that was left was anger, the kind that was clean and bright. "Yo, varmints!" he yelled. "Are you hungry? I'll eat you! I'll eat your mom! I'll eat your EGGS!"

Marshall was clearly enjoying the tirade, but the tunnel was done and the varmints were closing in. He swooped in and picked Gumball up mid-sentence, flying him out of the tunnel. Once they were out, Marshall collapsed it behind them.

They made the trip back to the cabin in silence. With his anger spent, Gumball just felt drained, and for once Marshall respected that.

When they arrived, Marshall set Gumball down gently. He floated by the porch for a moment while Gumball went inside. When he returned, he carried a bright red apple, which he handed to the vampire.

"Thanks," Marshall said. He drained it greedily, then threw it at the ground, providing his own sound effect.

Gumball sank to the porch. "I'm just so tired, Marshall. I've been trying so hard for so long, and even now I can't rest because the varmints are still out there."

"That's a problem for later," Marshall said. "You should relax. If any more varmints show up tonight, I'll kick their butts. They don't stand a chance."

Gumball yawned. "Okay," he mumbled.

"Just a quick nap. That's all I need. Promise to wake me up in fifteen minutes."

He was asleep before Marshall could reply.


	3. Epilogue

Gumball had been looking forward to the end of the year. After all the craziness, it was be nice to relax with his friends and not do anything for a few days.

He was at the annual winter party and Fionna and Cake's treehouse. Everyone he knew was there, even the Ice Queen, who was surprisingly well behaved. He'd rejoin the crowd eventually, but for now, he was sitting on the couch reflecting.

The thing was that for all the mayhem of the year, he couldn't regret it. He could regret individual decisions (such as giving up his throne for months; why had he thought that was a good idea?), but given the way things had worked out, it might have been worth it.

That was especially true as he watched Marshall Lee laughing with Fionna. The vampire had only been mortal for a week, but he had clearly grown from the experience. He was less needlessly cruel, no matter how much he denied it.

Even better, they were finally on consistently good terms again. Even when Gumball had been forced to confront his feelings, he hadn't realized how much he missed Marshall. When they could manage to get along, his company was easy and natural. Had Gumball really thrown that away?

It didn't matter now. This was the end of the year, time to throw away the past and make new mistakes. Gumball was more confident, and Marshall was more mature. They could do this, whatever this was.

Gumball stood up. He was done waiting on other people. He was going to make his own mistakes, and if they meant he could keep what he had with Marshall, he couldn't bring himself to regret them.


End file.
